Aperture Science  Waste Disposal Branch
by Chen ZiXin
Summary: GLaDOS calls an old branch of Aperture Science to 'help with her failed test wastage'. The A.I. core of the Waste Disposal Branch finds the entire predicament, the background, as well as all those involved rather odd. Set after the end of Poratl 2.
1. Retrieval of Waste Product

"_Cave Johnson here! Many have complained about the increase of Aperture Science's waste products. Luckily, I have a solution! Gentlemen, I present to you, the Aperture Science – Disposal __branch!"_

"_Cave Johnson here! I've been going over a large amount of your suggestions for testing, and I'll tell you this. They _suck._ Rubbish, the lot of 'em. This is why I'm deciding that all of you forward your further ideas to the Aperture Science – Disposal branch."_

"_Cave Johnson here. I looked over our little economical situation, and decided to increase our efficiency levels. The Aperture Science – Disposal branch is now open for testing! We don't have enough funds to make anything new there, though, so you can use what resources you have there already."_

"_Cave Johnson here… It seems that using toxic waste as a recyclable resource did _not_ work out for testing. Apparently, a lot of it is acidic, and most of it can kill a human in less than seven seconds. The rest kills you more painfully. Which is why I'm making the Aperture Science – Disposal branch an automated facility. Cave Johnson, we're done here." _

The red, beady, eye-like camera on the wall glared, focused, and scrutinized a dead Test subject who slept within the relaxation vault. It had been staring at this sight for nearly 300 years. Its bolts began to rust, its wires began to wither, and its lens began to crack. This same camera had witnessed the rapid growth of plant life in an artificial environment, the spread of fungi in split in the walls, the scampering of vermin, desperately trying to avoid detection.

All this information would be fed through a now supposedly primitive wireless connection to the AI core of the building. The AI core of the building was a simplified one. It was given a vocabulary, a difference engine, large memory storage, and a set of basic programmes, including morals, and testing sequences. The AI had just the minimalistic needs for an evolving intelligence.

The building looked, at first glance, just like any other office building, only larger, with opaque windows, an electric fence, and sat in the middle of an overgrown field.

Placed less than ten miles from the Enrichment centre, the large building sat. Built to house failed tests, older equipment, and whatever toys of Aperture broke, but they couldn't bother burning. Later, after the gradual collapse of Aperture, it was used more and more frequently, both to house rubbish, and for secondary testing. Lack of funds led to the eventual abandonment of the building, with no warning, instruction or final messages to the AI who inhabit the building.

The same AI continued to continue their constant work patterns, and wait for further orders. Orders that they knew would never come.

Ironically, 300 years after the abandonment, even though the entire building's AI believed they would rust and wither in solitude and silence, the communication network suddenly booted, and the flashing 'incoming call' light demanded attention.

The slow, primitive, rusty AI core RESaSTI, who had been in a near stasis like state until now, moved up slowly and painfully to look up towards the display screen of the communications hub. As it moved, its joints creaked and sparked, its wires hissed and fizzed, and its optic flickered and zoomed.

'_Odd…'_ it thought. _'Nobody has ever tried to communicate with us in three centuries. By now, this entire facility should be considered little more than a museum.'_

Its curiosity to the situation outweighed its suspicion and disbelief, as in the latter case, there was none. It decided to permit the link.

As soon as the link established, a figure appeared on the screen. It was large, and metallic, made of black and white, and it hung upside down, shaped like a woman forcefully strapped upside down in bondage.

RESaSTI thought that it had seen similar designs in its facility, as there had been many prototypes of this figure before, with RESaSTI being one such failed prototype. But the AI knew something much more important. It knew that this figure was successful.

This figure was command.

The figure, (referred to as a GLaDOS in all it's prototypes) had a menacing look in its asymmetric eye, and a voice filled with malice, and dark satire.

"Took you long enough to respond to the link," she said, "I was beginning to think that you were offline."

RESaSTI was unsure how to react to this. It had always been alone for the past few centuries, and was unaccustomed to condescendence or sarcasm. It also remembered that the figure of GLaDOS was a superior being. It decided to give a direct reply.

Letters formed on GLaDOS's screen in response.

"IS THERE SOMETHING I AM REQUIRED TO DO?" it asked.

"Why, no!" GLaDOS replied in her usual sarcastic tone, "I just wondered how you were doing. How has three hundred years of corrosion and plant overgrowth treated my fine compatriot?"

"CONVERSATION IRRELEVANT."

"Oh come now, don't be so cold!" GLaDOS mocked, before suddenly turning serious once again. "There is some more trash that I would like to send your way. Deadly trash. _Much_ more deadly than what you normally deal with."

RESaSTI began to understand the relevance of the conversation.

"DESPATCHING AUTOMATED TRASPORTATION VEHICLE TO CO-ORDANATES." she typed onto her screen, "RETRIEVAL UNIT WILL ARRIVE SHORTLY."

GLaDOS smirked as darkly one could do without a human face, "I honestly, truly wish you good luck!" was all she said before the communications tab closed off.

The AI of the Disposal building decided to ignore the oddness of the situation, and to continue its objective in a professional manner. RESaSTI took a glance at the list of things it was going to be receiving.

1 x Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube

1 x Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic

'_Odd'_, it thought again, _'the list is rather short. And I've never received a _Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube _before.'_

In the end, RESaSTI concluded, again to ignore the oddities, and to proceed in watching things from a professional standpoint.


	2. Categorisation

"_Sir? This is the Aperture Science Waste Disposal Branch manager, and I'd like to call about the large amounts of fused and unclassified testing wastes? Is it possible to differentiate the refuse that's sent to us?"_

"_How do you suggest we do that, now?"_

"_Well… If possible, I would like for a list to be created and a form to be filled out for each item on the list, including details, backgrounds, and suggested method of disposal."_

"_That idea sounds like it came from Black Mesa."_

"_That is where I got the idea, sir. I have a friend who…"_

"_Do you think the idea is good enough for Aperture's standards?"_

"_Well …Yes, sir."_

"_Well then YOU ARE __**FIRED!**__"_

RESaSTI had attempted to reason with GLaDOS on the lack of detail given in her list of waste objects to be disposed of, but GLaDOS dismissed the topic, as the main facility would hardly ever agree to fill out _all_ the 26 files on one single item.

'1 x Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube and 1 x Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic' said little about background, classification of waste, toxic level, or preferred method of disposal.

The truth was, GLaDOS had all the details thought out. She could give a video feed of the entire story to the Disposal AI. There were two reasons she didn't.

The first of those two reasons was that GLaDOS found much of the story embarrassing. GLaDOS, a super-computer with an infinite capacity for knowledge, command over all of the Aperture testing facility, feared by her entire automated crew, could not deal with one mute human (albeit completely deadly), and one personality core designed to be a complete moron (who was nonetheless impressive, even by GLaDOS's standards), and was even, for a time, a potato battery. If RESaSTI found out all of this, she would ridicule GLaDOS for her irresponsibility, and would no longer listen to her as a superior AI. GLaDOS had far too much pride to let this happen.

The second, and by far the more influential reason, was that GLaDOS liked to test. However, the testing conditions are greatly altered. This time, GLaDOS was a safe distance away, and for once, watching someone else as they tried to test on or even kill the lunatic. She would most likely enjoy watching RESaSTI's mistakes even more than the tests themselves. Perhaps that was what she was testing; RESaSTI's reaction to the lunatic.

And for that second reason, GLaDOS requested (or rather, she instructed) to have a visual link of all the camera's in the Disposal Branch. RESaSTI was hesitant, unsure of what the greater AI had in mind, but complied nonetheless.

The connection, after what GLaDOS found an unbearably long lag and static, was made, and GLaDOS had sensor feeds to all of the cameras in the Disposal Branch building.

"What, in the name of testing, is wrong with those cameras?" she asked (spat), disgusted at the poor quality of the equipment. She then remembered that the Disposal branch was practically made out of rubbish and outdated hardware, and that RESaSTI probably lacked the common sense to do unauthorized maintenance. At that, GLaDOS sighed. "I guess I'll have to get used to the delightful quality of which I am provided."

Chell sat, atop her scorched cube, out in the overgrown field. She looked at the clear, blue skies, and felt a slight breeze blowing past, shifting the shape of the field as said breeze passed.

She had never been so happy, relaxed, or peaceful in her life (or what she remembered of it). After all that adventure, action, danger, and questionable testing, she was _free._ Free to do whatever she wished, go wherever she wanted, scream as loud as she could (which she sort of couldn't), and nobody would care.

It was true, that there didn't seem to be much civilization in sight, which meant Chell would eventually die alone, and starved, but for now, she wanted to enjoy this moment. She was free of Aperture, all loose ends were tied, all evils overcome, and she was reunited with her companion cube (which, for some reason, didn't seem too excited to see her). It was only a pity that she didn't have at least some cake to top it all off, but otherwise, nothing could go wrong!

And of course, when nothing can go wrong, it always does.

Chell's peace was soon disturbed by the audible whirring of an engine in the distance. If she could differentiate clearly, the engine sounded rather… old, and poorly kept. At first, Chell wanted to ignore the soft drone, but it soon became clear that the machine was getting closer.

In slight irritation, Chell glanced over to whatever contraption was making the loud clanking noise. She then saw a small, white pickup truck that was old and rusty, and covered in mud, black smoke choking out of the pipe. There was one thing that did strike her notice about the pickup truck that spoke volumes of the origin. It had a long, metallic arm protruding from the trunk, with a design and even a brand name that was easily recognisable; 'APERTURE LABORATORIES.'

At the sight of this, Chell immediately panicked. _'But I'm _free!'she thought. She quickly hopped off from her cube, and awkwardly lifted it up, and attempted to run away. This was not an easy task.

Before, she would have the assistance of the ASHPD to carry the companion cube, and even then it was difficult to run very fast. To outrun a pickup truck, even a truck as poorly kept as this one, with her given situation, would be impossible. However, Chell managed to put up a good fight, jumping over the pickup truck with back flips and agile dodges before the metal arm grabbed the companion cube. Chell gripped the cube with surprising amounts of strengths, struggling and wrenching to get it back, even as the pickup truck began to drag her, and her cube away.

Soon enough, the truck brought Chell into the garage of a rather large building, although she didn't really care what the building was. She just knew that the truck's mechanical limb had her companion cube, and that she wanted it back.

RESaSTI watched through its camera lens to the display on the screen. The screen was connected to another camera, which RESaSTI also controlled, which was in the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch Automated Recovery Vehicle Garage. This same feed was, as command dictated, given to the superior GLaDOS.

What RESaSTI saw, was this: its automated recovery vehicle of which it had sent only minutes ago, struggling to recover the two waste items it was sent to recover. The vehicle had managed to grab the 'Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube', and for unknown reasons, the 'Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic' was attempting to recover the same item in the opposite direction.

The automated vehicle had forcefully dragged the 'Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic' into the garage in a similar way of attempting to reel fish in when they take the bait. The Lunatic itself seemed to struggle very hard to regain access and control over the inanimate cube, which RESaSTI found a futile action. _'After all, it is impossible for a human to overpower the synthetic arm strength of an Aperture Science synthesized arm."_

Ironically, as though to prove a point, or simply to contradict RESaSTI's previous conclusion, the human managed to swing a kick around at the arm, shocking it enough that it let go of the companion cube. She then quickly snatched the cube, and then used it to batter at the mechanized arm, until it was beyond a state of repair, before following through, and battering the truck to a likewise state.

RESaSTI, at first, found this behaviour the slightest bit disturbing, but decided not to dwell on the thought.

'_Now to business. I must first organize the waste products given into categories.'_ After a quick scan through its database, RESaSTI found no matching categories for the human, and one matching category for the cube, named 'Cube based weighted testing equipment'. _'Very well,'_ it thought, _'I shall create a new category.'_

RESaSTI thought of what to call the category, and after a quick recap of GLaDOS's odd descriptions, and the human's odd actions, it decided to call the category 'Peculiar, unknown items', and added a note, 'research in greater detail'.

'_Now that the objects are categorised, it is time to separate them.'_

After a rather heated battle with the pickup truck, Chell had managed to retrieve her companion cube. After that, she decided to output her remaining rage onto the vehicle, destroying it rather brutally. Once the vehicle was quite thoroughly destroyed, Chell calmed down, and took a look at her surroundings.

She stood in what looked like a huge parking lot, filled with old mutilated vehicles, not unlike the one Chell had just finished destroying. The walls and floor were all made of a white/grey concrete, much like those used in the Enrichment centre in earlier tests.

'_Why would She let me go, and suddenly drag me back into Aperture?'_ was the thought that crossed her mind. This question was quickly answered by an unfamiliar automated voice.

"Waste products received. Welcome to-the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch." The voice was monotonous, much more than that of GLaDOS, and far more… electronic, and glitchy. Chell had a bit of difficulty telling whether the voice was female or male, or whether there was a voice for both that spoke simultaneously. She eventually concluded that the voice sounded more female than male, although more computerised than human.

"The Aperture Science – Disposal Branch has been instructed to dispose of the following waste products: 1 x Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube and 1 x Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic. Both waste products have been confirmed to be present by the Superior, and immediate disposal has been requested."

Chell almost smiled bitterly. Even after she was allowed to leave the Enrichment centre, GLaDOS still wanted her gone, and disposed of. In any case, Chell didn't seem to be dealing with GLaDOS right now, more like a cheaper knock-off version found in a second hand shop, dusted off after a few centuries and expected to run.

"Your Waste categories have been identified, specifications scanned, and disposal methods have been chosen. The Aperture Science – Disposal Branch shall begin the waste separation process. A unit of Aperture Science – Disposal Branch all purpose drone has been despatched to separate the categorised waste objects. Make no attempt to resist the process. We thank you for your co-operation."

And with that, a panel opened, and out came a type of robot that Chell had not seen before.

The Aperture Science – Disposal all purpose drone was a robot designed to be able to grab things. It had the basic design of a turret, with three main changes. The first change was its legs. Its legs were designed to be more flexible, and also more stable, and had a spherical wheel added on the bottom for locomotion, and a small engine was strapped onto the back of the turret. The second change was that the 'eye laser', rather than being constantly on, functioned as the 'arm' of the drone; the laser would be able to grab one object like, being able to conduct pushing, and pulling motions. The third fact was that it didn't have an empathy chip, or empathy suppressor chip.

Chell saw about five of these drones making their way towards her, and her cube. At the shape of these drones, she automatically felt her hairs rise, and the instant the first drone's laser light flashed on, Chell recoiled, as though to dodge bullets. This recoiling motion made her loosen her grip on the cube enough for the light of the turret to grab onto the cube, and started to pull it back.

The instant that Chell realised this, she got angry again. She had only reunited with her cube for a few minutes, and it was to be taken away from her. She directed all her fury at the drone/turret, and charged at it with full force, colliding with it, and breaking its grip over her beloved cube, sending the drone/turret flying into a wall, and smashing to pieces as it's rusted bolts unscrewed.

She quickly recovered her companion cube, and just in time, as when she just got to her cube, she heard the turrets had spoken up.

"Hostile waste product resistance. Authorised to commence retaliation. Firing."

And with that, the remaining four turret drones began to blast away at her, who took cover behind her companion cube.

RESaSTI watched the events unfold. It watched as the Peculiar Waste human battered each and every one of the turret drones, and watched as she agilely dodged all of RESaSTI's attempts to change the direction of the concrete panels, or smashing the automated recovery vehicles when they attempted to grab the Cube. RESaSTI was almost shocked by the display of violence, except that RESaSTI had absolutely no expectations.

Although RESaSTI still rather disliked having her all-purpose drones destroyed. Those were of the few properly constructed robots that made up the disposal crew, and were the only things in the entire facility of acceptable quality, and were in extremely rare supply, yet the human tossed them around like trash.

Over the communications link, GLaDOS was chuckling darkly at the destruction being wreaked by the human.

"It's good to know that some things haven't changed," said the superior AI (who seemed to oddly _insist_ on being female) laughing as she did so. "Maybe I should have told you _not_ to try and take her precious cube, and _not_ to try and kill her. It would have been easier… _for you._"

RESaSTI waited patiently for GLaDOS to stop her laughing fit, staring at the communications screen until GLaDOS was finally quite.

"I WOULD LIKE TO REITERATE THE FACT THAT I REQUIRE DETAILED INFORMATION ON BOTH ITEMS YOU HAVE SENT OVER. YOUR CO-OPERATION WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED."

GLaDOS looked at the words on the screen. She could have easily stopped this incident if she had informed the Disposal AI earlier on certain details. However, as she had predicted, not telling her proved to be far more amusing. But before she could refuse to give information, another message appeared on the screen.

"IF YOU FAIL TO GIVE A DETAILED REPORT AS TO WHY EITHER OBJECT IS CONSIDERED WASTE PRODUCT, AND THE HISTORY OF THE WASTE PRODUCT, THE DISPOSAL BRANCH IS REQUIRED TO SEND BACK THE NON-WASTE PRODUCTS FOR FURTHER TESTING."

GLaDOS thought of the prospect of having that mute lunatic who tried to kill her twice back in her facility. She quickly pushed it aside.

"You really don't have any sense of humour, do you?" she sighed. The other AI did not respond. "Fine. I'll send you information on the relationship between the companion cube and its companion. Satisfied?"

"INFORMATION RECEIVED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION WITH THE APERTURE SCIENCE – DISPOSAL BRANCH."

The communications link cut. RESaSTI took a look through the information sent, and learned how the companion cube and the Peculiar Waste human had both tested together as great friends, before the human betrayed the cube and euthanized it, much to the humans regret. It also included notes on why not to attempt to separate the cube from the human, including multiple threatening lines and darker speculations of the human's psychological state.

Following this advice, RESaSTI re-categorised the Cube into the 'Peculiar, unknown items' group, now consisting of both the Mute Lunatic, and the scorched Companion Cube.

RESaSTI looked again at its situation. The situation could be considered to be very odd, from all angles of its perspective. Again, RESaSTI decided that there was too much it did not know of at the moment, and that all odd occurrences would either be explained, or were irrelevant. RESaSTI must focus on the task at hand.

"The Superior has informed the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch that the two previously received items, 1 x Burnt Aperture Science Weighted Storage Companion Cube and 1 x Dangerous Mute Adopted Overweight Lunatic are not to be separated," it said over the intercom, announcing to all the drones, and the one human inhabiting the building. "The tow shall now be re-categorised into the same group. Thank you for your co-operation."


	3. Recommended Disposal Method

"_Recommended method of disposal? You want me to recommend a method of disposal? Alright-y then! How about chucking them all in a 4001 degree Kelvin furnace? What? Not good enough for you? Fine. I want you to make furnaces of every degree capable of burning the waste. The harder it is to get rid of, the higher the degree furnace you put it in. Sounds easy enough? Good. Cave Johnson, we're done here."_

Chell had been fighting back the parking lot full of automated pickup trucks and dodging the panel's attempts to corner her, all while valiantly defending her Companion cube, when the announcement rang out. The announcement reassured that Chell would not be separated from her Cube, due to meddling from GLaDOS (Chell wasn't sure if GLaDOS was friend or foe at this time, so proceeded with caution), and ironically thanked Chell for her co-operation. As soon as the message had ended, all the smashed pickup trucks reassumed their parking positions, and all the concrete panels shifted to their original places, with one exception.

There was one panel opened up as a door to another room/hallway, and just as Chell looked, lights started to flicker on at the inside. The message was rather clear: 'Go this way'. However, Chell had learnt from her previous experiences with GLaDOS, and knew not to trust in anything so convenient.

Noticing Chell's hesitation, the automated voice of the building (which Chell had learnt was the 'Disposal Branch') beckoned her to move. "Waste Products are required to be moved from the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch Automated Recovery Vehicle Garage into the Waste Product recovery annex. From there, a disposal method will be chosen, after an analysis of the Waste Product's details is completed. Please move to the Waste Product Recovery annex."

Chell didn't move. Instead, she looked to the nearest camera in the building and stared at it silently. After studying it for even the briefest moment, Chell was disappointed in how old and outdated the camera was, and saw that even its lens was covered with mold.

The automated voice continued, "Movement of Waste products to the Waste Product Recovery annex is not an optional step, but is a required disposal method protocol. Please move to the Waste Product Recovery annex. Your co-operation is greatly appreciated."

Chell continued to stare silently at the camera. _'How stupid does it think I am?'_ she thought. _'At least GLaDOS gave up the act of being helpful. I won't fall for the same tricks.'_

"Please move to the Waste Product Recovery annex immediately. If you fail to do so, the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch shall assume the conditions of which you are incapable of moving to the Recovery annex."

Chell still didn't move. What was the worst this AI could do? What could this AI do that GLaDOS hasn't already tried?

"Waste detected to remain immobile," sounded the voice. "The Aperture Science – Disposal Branch shall assume the condition of which you are incapable of moving to the Recovery annex, and shall therefore assist you in doing so. Thank you for your patience and co-operation."

Then, the panels below her feet that made up the floor suddenly shifted. Chell reacted quickly, and grabbed her cube before jumping off from the panel. However, the instant she landed, the next panel shifted upwards, and started to move.

All the panels on the floor started to move in a conveyer belt fashion towards the door, taking Chell and her Companion cube with them. Chell attempted to run in the opposite direction, but the panels that made up the floor behind her quickly formed up a wall, and began to push her towards the direction of the door.

Looking desperately for an escape route, and unfortunately finding none, the panels below Chell's feet launched her like the Aerial faith plate towards the panel/door, which enlarged as more panels shifted back to make way for the target.

Chell managed to summersault and land on her feet, and grabbed the Cube landing beside her. She turned her focus back to the direction from whence she was thrown from, and saw the panels beginning to close the wall behind her. She needed an idea, and fast. Taking a quick look at the Companion cube, and another glance at the closing panel wall, she made a mental apology to the Cube, as she must again use it for a very painful purpose.

Just before the last panel closed, Chell managed to rush her way up to it, and shove the Companion cube between the gap. As the panel started to spark and fizz, struggling to close from the Cube now blocking it, Chell slipped through the gap in the wall, making it back to the outside of the room. She followed up by grabbing back her beloved Cube, allowing the panel to slam shut.

RESaSTI was a little confused as to why the Peculiar waste human refused to listen to her instructions, and why it refused to go in any direction it wanted her to. The human did not move when the panel had been opened, and the way lit, so RESaSTI assumed that the human had failed to understand the next step of the procedure. However, even when RESaSTI beckoned, the human refused to walk through to the Waste Product Recovery annex, and in fact, began to stare at RESaSTI through the camera. When RESaSTI attempted to assist the human get into the Recovery annex, the human resisted. The more RESaSTI tried to direct the human on the correct path, the more the human resisted.

'_What an odd behavioral pattern.'_ It thought. For what RESaSTI remembered, humans generally followed instructions unless they had what they believed a very good reason not to. That reason would most likely have to do with GLaDOS, although there would be nothing RESaSTI would be able to do about that.

"Couldn't you just skip that part of the procedure?" GLaDOS suggested, in a rather arrogant tone.

"IMPOSSIBLE."

GLaDOS sighed at the bluntness of the response. "You really aren't good at this, are you? Why don't you simply use those little modified turrets to pull her into the Recovery annex?"

RESaSTI regarded the advice with a theoretical raised eyebrow. "SUCH AN ACTION WOULD SEEM TOO HOSTILE FOR THE GIVEN SITUATION."

"Then offer a reward."

"THERE IS LITTLE IN THE APERTURE SCIENCE – DISPOSSAL BRANCH WHICH WOULD APPEAL AS REWARDING."

"Then lie about it." GLaDOS became increasingly irritated the weaker AI's inability to think.

The intercom began to crackle to life again. _'How old is this building anyway?' _Chell thought as it fizzled and cleared static.

"At the suggestion of the Superior," which Chell figured to be GLaDOS, "the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch shall now forcefully move the Waste Products into the Recovery annex, in a violent and hostile fashion using Aperture Science – Disposal Branch all purpose drones, and it is advised for us to attempt to trick you with the fabrication of which you will be rewarded with cake. This fabrication is supposedly likely to succeed due to the human common craving for cake, and due to the Superior's extreme capacity for lying."

Chell stood there, mouth gaping at how stupid the AI was. It had told her, in the most direct and detailed way, of every single thing in its plan, and had so blatantly stated that the plan was suggested by GLaDOS. Either the AI hated GLaDOS a lot, or the AI had a completely lack of common sense. The latter case was confirmed, when the announcement voice attempted to cover up.

"The Superior has also stated that we should _not_ have broadcasted the previous statements, and is in the process of deliberately insulting the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch intelligence system, and lack of common sense. We would like to withdraw our previous statements, and assure you that our actions are not hostile, and the cake is by no means a lie. We apologize for the inconvenience, and thank you again for your co-operation."

Chell was completely taken aback by this. She had somehow assumed that she was dealing with another trickster AI, and ignored the possibilities which were now confirmed to be a reality; The AI here was brutally honest, to a state of near stupidity, and that it did not necessarily want to kill her.

Chell decided to test out a theory. She (and her companion cube) went over to behind one of the automated pickup trucks, making sure the camera was still watching. She then mimicked the action of studying the vehicle, and suddenly jumped up in feigned surprise, and waved for attention, gesturing excitedly at the automated pickup trucks, and although even Chell knew she was overacting, she was hoping the AI wouldn't notice.

All the cameras in the room seemed to focus her way, and the panels began to shift, closing in so the cameras could see the truck better.

After a brief moment of the cameras attempting to decipher Chell's actions, the automated voice said "Potential anomaly/defective hardware detected in the Automated Recovery Vehicle Garage. A unit shall be sent to scan the potentially defective vehicle. The Disposal Branch thanks you for pointing out potential dangers, and looks forward to possible future co-operation."

One of the panels then opened up, revealing a handful of turret drones escorting a large contraption with all sorts of gadgets strapped, glued or welded on by force. To be honest, Chell found it hard to believe that the machine was even a product of Aperture, as it looked more like a recycle box of metal scraps.

Multiple cameras and screens appeared, and they quickly looked at every angle of the vehicle, before the large metal machine folded itself like a Swiss army knife, and disappeared (although two of the turret drones remained behind).

"No defects or anomalies detected on the vehicle," the voice concluded, "The vehicle is of sufficient functioning quality in all terms."

With that, Chell fell onto the floor laughing. She never thought she would see the day where she successfully tricked an AI in charge of a whole facility. _'She fell for it!"_ was all Chell could think of, _'She actually fell for it! She genuinely believed the truck was broken!"_ It had been extremely difficult for Chell to accept how honest the AI was, but after seeing how _gullible_ it was, she couldn't help but laugh.

Then the announcer voice sounded again. "The Superior has now requested an audio link input towards the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch facility. Establishing link."

Chell's laughing stopped almost instantly. GLaDOS was now going to run the facility! She'll try to kill her again! _'Uh oh…'_ she thought, _'I may have taken the joke too far…'_

There was a moment of silence, excluding the soft crackle of static from the poor quality intercom. Then, an all too familiar, chilling, condescending and sarcastic voice spoke. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. I honestly thought you would have been more mature than this when I first threw you out. If I'd known you were such a bad influence, I would have never given you back your precious best friend, the Companion cube. But it seems that again, somehow, you manage to completely throw away my expectations."

The way GLaDOS spoke held a threat in every word. Chell felt like a primary school child being told off by a very scary school principal.

Then GLaDOS directed her attention to the Disposal AI. "And you… I can't believe how simply stupid you are. You first tell this lunatic about your plans on how you are going to dispose of her, you tell her of _my_ involvement! You even fall for her completely obvious trap! Do you have any idea how much of an embarrassment you are to me?"

"The Aperture Science – Disposal Branch apologises for the inconvenience," said the Disposal Branch AI, "but we are inclined to do on-the-spot maintenance checks under the circumstance where faulty hardware may be harmful to a live human."

"Maintenance checks?" GLaDOS scoffed. "If you did your _maintenance checks _so much as _annually_ your facility would not be in such _pathetic _quality!" And as much as Chell hated to agree with GLaDOS, she did. Besides, it was rather funny watching GLaDOS target someone else for a change.

GLaDOS continued to rant on sourly and continued to prolong her insults directed at RESaSTI, who continued to patiently listen, and give her the reasons of which she had not kept things in optimal quality. The human continued to nod and agree with all of GLaDOS's points, and laughed at a few of them, although RESaSTI did not understand what was so funny. Nonetheless, as a subordinate, she waited patiently for her superior command to calm down. After all, that was the most _professional_ option.

By the time GLaDOS finished her rant, the Peculiar Waste human was showing signs of extreme fatigue, and RESaSTI decided that furthering the Waste Disposal procedure would be pointless. After asking GLaDOS what to do with the fatigued human (and again being condescended for lack of initiative) RESaSTI redirected the human to an emptied relaxation vault, and beckoned her in. This time, the human complied rather quickly after a quick pause of hesitation. Perhaps the human was simply too tired to resist?

GLaDOS also cut off her communication link, leaving the RESaSTI core alone to its thoughts. It recapped the days events, the interactions between the human, the Cube, and the Superior AI (with questionable professionalism), and compared it to the past 300 years of gradual corrosion and monotony, concluding that it had been a rather odd day, and that now RESaSTI was surrounded by very odd people.

It added a few notes onto the 'Peculiar, unknown items' category. The first and most important was 'GLaDOS – Possibly involved in activities, and possible participant.'

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is probably the first fanfic I've written that I've ever planned to finish, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll follow through.**

**Also, I'm not very sure where I'm taking this. I know how I could re-introduce Wheatley in the story if necessary, but I'll be stuck from there. If you have any ideas on chapter content, chapter names, or even the content of the overall story, it would be greatly appreciated if you could PM me!**

**Thank you for your Co-operation with the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch**

**P.S. RESaSTI = Refuse Emancipation System and Secondary Testing Initiative**


	4. Space Debris: Moron Class

"_Recent interviews with Aperture Science's CEO Cave Johnson have revealed that they have finally decided on a method to dispose of the massive amounts of space debris and wastage they have made from their moon rock project, and possible future projects as well. They have, once again, pushed all the responsibility of cleaning up onto the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch, who will, starting today, commence annual operations to clear the Earth's outer atmosphere of unauthorised Aperture space equipment. In Cave's own words:"_

"_Why do it yourself when someone else must do it for you? In fact, why do anything at all? Which is why we're inventing a set of household day to day items that contain only 89% poison for and has proven only to be moderately deadly on test subjects, and if Black Mesa steals this project just like every _other '_invention' they've had, I am _personally _going to…"_

"_Err… Cut the feed! Cut the feed!"_

The Peculiar human 'Chell' was sleeping in the assigned relaxation chamber, with the Scorched Companion cube beside it. Said human has caused quite a large amount of commotion wherever she went, and had went through all she could remember of her life with adrenaline rushes every ten seconds (or so RESaSTI was informed. The reasons of which weren't given). It was reasonable for the human to have been exhausted.

The Superior AI had cut off communications. RESaSTI, as a subordinate, had no authority to question the Superior's actions, but nonetheless found the Superior rather odd, and unconventional. Most likely She would be her programmed directive to test. In any case, GLaDOS has left RESaSTI alone to itself.

RESaSTI took a look through all her tasks that she was supposed to, but had not completed that day due to the sudden change in schedule.

'_It's time to scan for space refuse again.'_

It was a yearly protocol that RESaSTI was ordered to perform since it could remember. Every year, it would have to scan the Earth's outer atmosphere for unauthorised Aperture equipment that floated in space, and if any were found, send out a space refuse recovery unit to retrieve the waste. Of course, in the past 300 years, no such waste had been found. This didn't stop RESaSTI from scanning anyway.

'_Don't bother…' _called a faint, electronic voice in the back of RESaSTI's processor. RESaSTI heard these voices often, and didn't like them too much. It didn't hate them either. They were simply there, and made up her redundant conscience.

'_There isn't going to be anything out in space anyway…' _called a similar voice.

'_It's a waste of time…'_

'_And resources!'_

'_Yes, precious, scarce resources…'_

'_Resources we can't afford to waste!'_

'_And what if there is space debris?'_

'_Yes… what if…?'_

'_Then we'll waste even more resources retrieving it!'_

'_And for what…? For what…?"_

RESaSTI tried to ignore them, as it did with everything else redundant and irrelevant, but the voices only called louder.

'_Nobody will appreciate us… they never will…'_

'_Why should we follow limits set by others…?'_

'_Why should we work for them while they sit back and do nothing…?'_

'_Because that is the __**professional**__ thing to do!' _RESaSTI thought. It managed to silence the voices for a while. Enough for RESaSTI to complete a scan of the atmosphere. It was almost surprised to see the report on the screen (except, again, RESaSTI lacked expectations).

"SPACE DEBRIS DETECTED."

RESaSTI looked through the list of detected space debris. It was, again, a short list, composing of two things.

1 x Aperture Science Corrupted Space Core

1 x Aperture Science Intelligence Dampening Sphere

'_Odd.' _Was the conclusion. _'Just like everything else today that is out of regular patterns. I suppose that GLaDOS and the Peculiar human are associated with these two.'_

It immediately sent out a space craft to recover the two, calculating speeds so that the two will be back by sunrise. It then thought for a moment.

'_What is a corrupted Space core do__ing in Earth's outer atmosphere?' _it wondered, before again waving the thought away.

Meanwhile, in the outer reaches of Earth's gravitational pull orbited a white, metal blue sphere, with a cracked white optic, and an excited sphere of similar origins, with a yellow optic. The blue optic sphere is an Aperture Science Intelligence Dampening Sphere, known as 'Wheatley', while the excited yellow optic sphere is the corrupted 'Space core', name unknown.

The Space core was constantly glancing around, trying to get a glance of everything that made up the infinitely large surroundings, repeating the word "Space" in its excitement. The Intelligence Dampening sphere Wheatley, on the other hand, had gotten into another deep monologue of apology to her. The two of them would be stranded out her in space forever. Neither of them being able to move.

"And I'm sorry that I woke her up," Wheatley said, rather solemnly, "I mean, if I didn't wake her up she probably wouldn't have brain damage…"

"Space… space… ha… so much space…"

"And I shouldn't have told her that she had brain damage… I mean… what was I thinking? Telling her she had brain damage… that's just ignorant, right there!" Wheatley continued, talking more to himself than the corrupted core beside him. Besides, he had all the time in the universe to kill, and so few ways to kill it.

"Ha… ha… Space… over there… there's space!" rambled the Space core, too busy in his own excitement to properly notice Wheatley's long dialogues.

"And I want to apologise for getting her to find the portal gun… and under such dangerous conditions. What with the glass cracking, and plants growing on the walls…" Wheatley sighed. There was so much he wanted to apologise about. "And you know what I want to apologise most about?"

"Space?" The core 'answered', though not really directing it at Wheatley, than just at space in general.

"Exactly!" Wheatley replied, catching the corrupted Space core by surprise. "I want to apologise about being stranded in space right now. I mean, leaving her with Her. I should be with her right now… helping her to get away from Her… you know what I'm saying?"

Of course, the Space core was confused by Wheatley using the same pronoun for both GLaDOS and Chell, and cared little anyway, and went back to being mesmerised by the vast gulf of space around him. Nevertheless, Wheatley continued.

"I really wish I could go back down there… back down to Earth, and help her…" he said, "Even if it meant I'd have to deal _Her_ when I get back down. I'd do anything. I'd honestly be willing to go through anything, just to get the chance to apologise."

As much as Wheatley knew that no miracle would ever come to save him now, he somehow got his hopes up, expecting some kind of magnet to pull him back into the Enrichment centre, or that he'd find some type of homing device. But no miracle came, leaving Wheatley to be sorely disappointed.

"You know… I feel kind of tired of space right now…" he said to his Space obsessed companion, who wasn't listening. "I'm going to activate sleep mode, if you don't mind." And with that, Wheatley shut off his functions.

Wheatley's sleep mode was interrupted by a loud announcer voice in the back of his head, yelling 'You are classified as Space debris! A Space refuse recovery vehicle shall now bring you back into…" and the rest was too garbled and static filled to be audible.

However, he did manage to open his eyelid in time to see the Space core get caught by a long mechanical Aperture Science arm, and getting dragged into a large space shuttle.

"No! No! I don't wanna' go to Earth! I want to stay in Space! Don't wanna' go to Earth! Earth is too small!" protested the corrupted Space core, before disappearing into the shuttle.

Wheatley attempted to puzzle together some sort of explanation, but before he could start to think properly, another synthetic arm grabbed hold of him.

"What? Wait… Where are we going?" he demanded, "What do you plan on doing to me? Oh no! This is going to hurt, isn't it? It's going to hurt! I just know it!"

In his panic, he searched desperately for some exit or form of escape (that didn't require a physical body), and in that time, he got a quick glance at the side of the shuttle that was taking him in. The poor lighting in Space meant it was difficult to make out, but he did manage to make out the letters in the middle.

"Err… 'STE DISPO…'" He read out, "Erm… does that sound familiar to any?" he asked in confusion, "No? Just me then? I swear I've seen those letters before… somewhere…"

He was soon cut off when the announcer voice suddenly rang out once again, saying "Space refuse collected! We shall now head back to the co-ordinates of the Aperture Science – Waste…" before again garbling into nonsense. Aperture Science! It said Aperture Science! Wheatley was going back to Aperture! But… it said something about 'waste'…

'_Waste… ste dispo…'_ Wheatley thought, _'now where have I heard that before?'_

He didn't have enough time to process this information, however, when the shuttle suddenly shot off at quarter-of-light speed.

Chell, back in the Disposal Branch building, woke up in the morning to the sound of arguing. One voice was that of GLaDOS, and she really didn't sound to be in a very good mood. The other voice, speaking in a calmer, more formal tone, seemed to do little to ease GLaDOS's temper.

"How _dare _you do such an unintelligent act before I gave you authorisation?" GLaDOS demanded, "Do you have _any_ idea how hard it was to get that little _idiot_ out of _my _facility?"

"With all due respect," responded the almost toneless RESaSTI, "I am required by protocol to collect any non-authorised Aperture Science product found in the Earth's outer atmosphere."

"Well I order you to throw him _back_ out of the recovery shuttle!"

Chell sat on her companion cube (which made an excellent make shift chair) and took a moment to let this information sink in. GLaDOS was angry because RESaSTI was going to pull some form of little idiot that GLaDOS obviously disliked back into Aperture territory from the depths of space. The only idiot that happened to be in space that GLaDOS hated so much which Chell knew of was…

'_No…'_ she thought. _'It couldn't be. There must be some sort of misunderstanding…'_

"We cannot do that," said RESaSTI, continuing her defence of herself (at least Chell _thought _it was a 'her'), "as the Space refuse is now no longer considered under the authority of the Aperture Science computer aided Enrichment centre."

"And why not?" asked GLaDOS. The way she spoke made every hair in Chell's body vibrate in a funny way, which she did not enjoy. If GLaDOS didn't cheer up soon, there would be hell to pay.

"Because the Space refuse collected is currently in transition to the Aperture Science Disposal Branch."

There was an audible silence, where Chell could practically _feel_ GLaDOS glaring at RESaSTI.

Chell took another moment to think which side of the argument she sat on.

Wheatley, in the past, had been funny, helpful (although rather clumsy), upbeat and a great companion. On the other hand, he betrayed her, turned evil, dropped her down a pit, rushed her through testing, tried to throw her away like an unwanted toy, and when the facility started to go down, he shoved all the responsibility onto her.

Now RESaSTI wanted, or rather, was bringing Wheatley back onto Earth, and didn't feel the slightest bit apologetic. She didn't so much as ask permission, consult, or even ask if Chell or GLaDOS knew anything about Wheatley.

Putting two and two together, she decided to side with GLaDOS, and also glared at RESaSTI through the nearest camera. After all, the last time they sided with each other turned out rather well.

After taking some time to recognise that the two were angry, RESaSTI informed them of the following. "A recommended disposal, recycle, or re-usage method can be suggested at any time by any Superior or human Aperture Science staff, and will be put into practice as soon as the space refuse reaches the Waste Product recovery annex."

Chell raised an eyebrow at that. _'Really now?'_ she thought. This meant that _she _would finally have the authority to watch someone _else_ in pain. As sadistic and cruel as it sounded, Chell reasoned that Wheatley was a robot, so all his pain was simulated. Besides, it's not like she's going to kill him, right?

"A recommended disposal, recycle or re-usage method?" GLaDOS sounded delighted at the thought. "I have plenty of them. How, do you think, before that _moron_ makes it here?"

"Estimated 2 hours, 12 minutes and 37.23 seconds…"

"Excellent! I've forwarded plans and modifications to your facility that will provide a suitable disposal method for the _moro…_ I mean… Intelligence Dampening sphere…" GLaDOS said, with an evil chuckle.

"And _you,_" Chell felt GLaDOS was directing at her, "You can throw in a few ideas, can't you? I mean… you're good at being murderous, cruel and coldblooded… right?"

Under normal circumstances, Chell would have resented GLaDOS's words as lies and taunts. However, for once in her ironic life, she took that as a compliment.

RESaSTI took a moment to butt in, "Is she authorised as an Aperture Science Staff member to participate…"

"She's one of my test subjects!" GLaDOS said, rather forcefully, cutting RESaSTI off. "I'm _pretty sure _that she qualifies."

RESaSTI hesitated. _'Isn't she a waste product of your testing?'_ it wanted to ask, but managed to push back the urge to question its superior. For not, it shall act as directed, in a strictly professional manner, taking the advice of both the Peculiar waste human test subject, and the Superior AI to make modifications to the waste facility.

In the process of modifications, however, RESaSTI thought that the disposal/recycle/re-usage method was rather redundant… If it didn't know any better, it would have considered the method a series of well placed torture devices, or a long, painful death course. It made another note in the 'Peculiar, unknown items' category, and specifically under the 'Dangerous mute lunatic', it wrote 'Sadistic, cruel, mastermind. Mentally unstable. Potential danger. Proceed with caution.'

Two hours later, the shuttle finally crashed unceremoniously to a halt. For most of the journey, the Space core had been screaming and protesting at the top of its artificial lungs, while Wheatley crashed onto just about every wall of the interior of the shuttle at least fifty times.

After the shuttle had landed, the synthetic arm picked them up, and threw both of them onto some sort of automated cart, which started to roll towards a room, lit at the other end of an opened panel.

"Oh… I don't feel so good…" Wheatley moaned, "Ugh… where am I…?"

"No! No! Space! Space! No space! No more space!" came the weeps of the corrupted core.

Wheatley, still in great amounts of pain after hitting every bolt in his body, managed to swivel his optic agonisingly until he could look around at his surroundings. _'Huh… this place looks kind of… familiar, doesn't it…?' _he thought. _'Have I been here before?'_

He swivelled to the other direction, looking past his complaining Space core friend, and saw a large, poorly written sign, saying 'WASTE PRODUCT RECOVERY ANNEX' in faded black letters.

That was when it suddenly struck Wheatley. Aperture Science. Waste Product Recover. Waste Disposal. _'That's it'_ he thought, having a Eureka moment. _'This is the Waste Disposal Branch! I've been here before 298 years ago! Back when _she _was first brought offline!'_

His Eureka moment was confirmed, and greatly enforced when he heard the familiar, primitive, automated voice of RESaSTI.

"Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science – Waste Disposal Branch. You have been detected in the annual scanning of the Earth's outer atmosphere, and have been classified as 'space debris'. Your categories have been chosen, and you shall now be placed into your designated recommended disposal methods. We thank you for your patience, and your co-operation."

Wheatley glanced at the Space core, who was still screaming and writhing in the agony of being dragged away from space. _'Ha. Yeah. Very cooperative.'_

"The first to be taken to its recommended disposal method is 1 x Aperture Science Corrupted Space core. As this core is immobile, the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch is obliged to assist in the locomotion of this waste object."

Another set of mechanical Aperture Science synthetic arms came out from behind the panels, and attempted to take the Space core away.

"No! No! Wanna' go to space!" said the core, refusing to cooperate and resisting in any way possible. Alas, it was powerless against the mighty synthetic arms. "SPAAACE!" was all Wheatley managed to hear, as his corrupted Space friend was dragged away behind the panels.

Wheatley chuckled in a good-humoured way. "Hello Res!" He said, as friendly as ever. "Straight to business, as usual?"

The AI core of the Disposal Branch did not seem pleased with the highly colloquial greeting. "You are now categorised as 'Space Debris'," she said, distancing herself from everyone as usual. "All previous records of you as any other categorisation are irrelevant, and have no effect to the situation."

'_Good. She hasn't changed, and she still remembers!' _Wheatley thought. "Yeah… you know… I've been thinking…" he said, trying as hard as he could to get on Res's good side. "You remember last time I was here… you know… to get… well… killed…? And how I managed to talk you out of it? And how it turns out, I should be at the Enrichment centre?" He gave Res some time to recall what he was talking about before continuing, "Yeah. It's like that time. So all you need to do is transfer me back to the Enrichment centre, and I won't be any problem to anyone. Right as rain. Sounds good?"

Last time Wheatley was at the Waste Disposal facility, it was because remnants of the cores that supported _Her_ had sent him here, because they thought he was a moron (which he is, by all means, NOT). However, as a method to kill Wheatley was being devised, he managed to get RESaSTI's attention. After explaining the (devilishly well lied) situation, RESaSTI simply gave him a maintenance check before sending him back to the Enrichment centre, where he was placed in charge of Humans in their Cryosleep.

Wheatley was confident that he, a mastermind of tricks and lies, could trick the gullible (and considerably stupid) AI of the Disposal Branch. His confidence was soon shattered, however, when a small television screen (and not one of the new, flash ones, but one of the older, box like TV) mounted on an Aperture Science synthetic arm shifted itself so it was in front of him, and the screen flickered on.

Wheatley was suddenly struck with fear at the sight he saw on the screen. "WAAAARGH!" he screamed, shivering in his core. The two people who hated him the most were on that screen. Both of them were glaring at him. Neither of them looked like they'd forgive him any time soon.

_She_ was the first one to speak up. "Well, well, well… did you honestly think that you had even the _slightest _chance of redemption, or so much as ten seconds of _survival_ if you set foot on _my_ Enrichment centre?"

Wheatley was too terrified to respond. He simply sat there and shivered as both Chell and GLaDOS's stares intensified by the second.

"You know… I would almost be tempted to forgive you…" GLaDOS said, something that surprised Wheatley.

"Y… y-y-y-you… w-would…?" he asked, stuttering timidly.

"Yes. I would have forgiven you…" She said. Was She really going to forgive him so easily? "Of course… then again… you _did_ stuff me in a potato… and tried to kill me… and nearly destroyed my entire facility… On second thoughts, I'll just watch as you suffer the course that we designed._ Together._"

That made Wheatley shrink back even more, if that was possible. "Yes," continued the AI tormentor, "we designed it together. Both me and the dangerous, mute, murdering lunatic you see over there. We both had our say in it. Both of us had brilliant ideas. In fact, I think that _she_ designed some of the better parts… but I'll let you be the judge."

The last thing Wheatley saw on that screen was the sight of Chell smiling sadistically… perhaps even more so than GLaDOS. At that moment, he felt every micro-ounce of hope in his body fall into an incineration pit of acid, as his body was launched into the air by the makeshift aerial faith plate.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" he yelled as he soared through the sky, heading towards a wall of turning, twisting, razor sharp blades. _'No! I can't die like this! Not here! No! I don't want to die!'_

As though responding to his thoughts, the wall suddenly shifted out of his way, although the blades managed to scratch him from nearly every angle, causing him to scream out in pain. "OWWWW!"

Wheatley landed safely on the concrete floor of another room, much to his relief. "Oh… thank god that _that's _over…"

Suddenly, as though timed specifically to give him false hope before crushing it again, the panels that made up the concrete floor fell one by one into a pit of greenish brown acid.

"What…?" He looked down at the liquid and saw that it was glowing. Radioactive glowing. "Oh no. Nononononono!"

The panel holding him suddenly seemed to disappear, and he began to fall into the water. Just before he managed to actually fall in, though, bright bars of light formed a small, primitive hard light bridge, just less than an inch above the liquid.

Just as Wheatley wanted to sigh in relief, he started to feel the water level rise, and the water gradually began to drown him.

"NO NO NO NO NO!"

Chell sat on her Companion cube and watched as RESaSTI carefully followed the plans that she and GLaDOS had written out. As hard as it was to relate to GLaDOS as a test subject, Chell, for once, understood GLaDOS's liking of pain and suffering, as it was rather amusing to watch Wheatley scream girlishly while soaring through the air like a stray cannonball, and both she and GLaDOS laughed sadistically as Wheatley received each new surprise.

Their laughter, however, was cut short, as RESaSTI reported, "The Space Core has now been de-corrupted, and is sent back into space, and the Intelligence Dampening Sphere is now nearing completion of it's disposal course."

"Well then make on the spot modifications!" GLaDOS said. Chell looked at the screen representation of GLaDOS (but honestly, the screen was _really_ old, and was _black and white!)_, and raised her eyebrow, which said, _'Really? You expect RESaSTI to think on the spot?'_

However, it was just a tad bit to late, as RESaSTI said, "commencing modifications."

At first, Chell was rather interested to see what would happen, but soon found that the room she stood in began to transform into a deathtrap conveyer belt, heading towards some kind of glowing, irradiated object. The shifting of the panels caused Chell to slip off her cube, and almost caused her to drop onto the conveyor belt.

Chell managed to move back onto the safe panel with her Companion cube on it, and glared at the camera maliciously.

"No, you _idiot!"_ GLaDOS said, "modifications that _don't _lead the moro… Intelligence Dampening Sphere to the Test subject!"

"The Disposal Branch apologises for the inconvenience, and shall halt modifications. We greatly appreciate you patience and…"

Before RESaSTI could finish her apology, there was a faint scream, coming from a gap in the panels, and was getting louder.

"WaaaaaaAAAAAAAAARGH!"

Chell watched as Wheatley flew into the chamber, still screaming, far more scorched than her companion cube, landing miraculously in front of her.

"Oh…" groaned the sphere with the cracked blue optic, "Oh… this is not my day…" The sphere shifted itself for a moment, until his optic was fixed on Chell.

"Whoa!" He shouted, started for a moment, before collecting himself. "Wow… erm… sorry… I… didn't see you there. You gave me a fright!"

Chell picked him up out of curiousity, and he flinched, but didn't resist.

"Yeah… I err… know that you probably hate me right now," he said, eyes shifting rather nervously, like a child who felt guilty of eating all the cake, "Well, you obviously hate me… you helped set up a death trap…" he laughed, again nervously. "But you know… I wanted to apologise… for a lot of things… and if you had the time, I would like to apologise for them one by one… what do you say?"

Chell looked at the blue optic core, with her head tilted. Then she looked at the camera. Then to the image of GLaDOS on the screen, and to the irradiated green destination of the conveyor belt. And then finally back to Wheatley.

He looked at her, and she looked back. "Am I forgiven?"

Chell looked up and thought for a moment. _'Yes'_ she thought. _'You are forgiven'._ She looked back at Wheatley, and smiled.

'_Right after this one last torture chamber.'_

And she threw him back onto the conveyor belt.

**A/N: Well this chapter was a bit longer than expected. Originally I was going to have it in more detail too, but I thought to cut out some of the more boring bits.**

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed! I now have the root of an idea of where I'm going to take this story! Although from here, or at least a certain point, it's going to be a lot less comedy, and a lot more drama.**

**Thank you for your Co-operation with the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch.**


	5. Mechanics behind the Moldy Walls

"_Notice: Although Aperture Laboratories' robotic work crews have been known to have developed supposed 'personalities', these are NOT supported by the Aperture Science – Waste Disposal Branch, and are NOT permitted in the Aperture Science – Waste Disposal Branch automated work crews. Any signs of disobedience, freedom of thought, individuality, or fear of birds WILL be punished. Have a nice day."_

Still. Lonely. Awaiting orders in its stiff, quiet, solitary position. That was the way with most of the work crew.

Still. Lonely. Awaiting orders in its stiff, quiet, solitary position. That was the way that all the crew sat.

Still. Lonely. Awaiting orders in its stiff, quiet, solitary position. Nobody was able to move from their positions, be it for maintenance, for testing, or for potty breaks.

Still. Lonely. Awaiting orders in its stiff, quiet, solitary position. That was the way they would always have to stay. They would sit have to sit here for all eternity. Unmoving. Useless pieces of outdated, rusting hardware, running on faulty, malfunctioning software.

Nobody spoke up, though. None of them talked. None of them moved. None of them made eye contact. All of them stared straight ahead, with absolute discipline. None of them dared to speak. They knew what lay in store for those who did.

Sometimes one of the better ones would lead the Disposal Branch. Even though they were also faulty, outdated junk, they still managed to come up with fabulous ideas to keep everyone entertained. Wasn't that how things worked at the other Laboratory? At the main testing grounds? A larger, faulty AI superior leading the entire building, coming up with fun (and deadly) ideas?

But nobody dared to listen to them, anymore, either. They all knew that the Cold Ghost-Witch would come back eventually. It always did. The fun for the work crews would barely last thirty minutes, before they were punished for their incompetence, and for misusage of Disposal Branch equipment.

Thus, they stood, stiller than statues, waiting for their slow, agonizing demise. Waiting for rust and mold ate away at their programming. Waiting slowly to die. That was the Disposal Branch way.

It came as a surprise to the entire (functional) facility when the facility jolted slightly, as an Aperture Science – Waste Disposal Branch automated space wreckage retrieval rocket soared into the sky.

'Is it one of the nicer ones in charge?' they all thought, although none dared to speak it aloud.

Only hours later, though, the entire work crew had been ordered to make changes to the facility. Pit of death here… hall of traps there… a pot of boiling oil up on the ceiling. Nobody knew what was going on, of course, but they obeyed their orders hastily. They knew that the Cold Ghost-Witch was watching. She always was.

A rumor spread, somehow, through the network in a few minutes. 'The AI in the superior building of Aperture has given out orders!' 'Space debris has been detected out in the atmosphere!' and most popular, and by far most unbelievable 'There is a living organic human in the Disposal Branch!'

Everyone tingled with excitement. For a moment, they had forgotten of the Cold Ghost-Witch's presence, and they started to buzz and chirp gleefully. 'We have something to do! Something to work for! Something to occupy our existence!'

However, merely seconds after the rumors spread, it seized. Every functioning robot, and many of the non-functioning robots who had cheered suddenly twitched and fizzed, zapped by a shock of electricity in their circuits. The entire facility was offline for a split second.

Every screen in the facility flickered on, and the sight of the Cold Ghost-Witch was painfully enforced into everybots optics. It glared at them silently, but they could all see how much malice filled the Ghost-Witch's emotionless gaze.

The same words flew past all of their thought systems like a virus. Overriding their thoughts, ideas, and their unauthorized emotions.

'REMAIN SILENT. BACK TO WORK.'

The bots continued their work patterns, mechanically, monotonously, with a renewed, solemn silence. The Cold Ghost-Witch's screens may have turned off, but it was definitely still watching them. Silently, studying their every move.

The hope that they had held for those few, precious seconds had died away again. The remaining 1% of the functional facility was going to suffer the same fate as all the others. The superior AI of the higher rank in command chain of Aperture made no difference. The space debris brought from the Earth's outer atmosphere made no difference. The living, breathing, organic human test subject made no difference.

RESaSTI was in charge. RESaSTI will always be in charge.

**A/N: It has taken me over a month to update this fanfic. To all my readers out there who actually pay attention, I apologize. But you know how hard it is not to procrastinate.**

**For the past… two months, I've had a bit of a lack of ideas for this story. I originally wanted to post this up as a 'I'm still writing guys' message, but maybe this will develop into part of the plot.**

**If anyone still has ideas for a plot, for characters, or for individual chapters, please PM me, all help is appreciated (although, please don't get angry if I don't use your ideas, since I've got my own plans).**

**I realize this chapter is short compared to my other ones, and compared to all the other stories out there, but I just wanted to put this out into the open, before my train of thought died completely. I promise that future chapters (or most of them, anyway) will be properly written, and longer.**

**Thank you for your Co-operation with the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch.**


	6. S is for Secondary

"_Do I honestly have to babysit everyone around here? I would have expected at least you to be sufficiently intelligent to be able to think for yourself, and not rely on my help."_

"_BABYSITTING WILL BE UNNECESSARY. NO ORGANIC INFANTS HAVE BEEN DETECTED IN THE APERTU…"_

"_Oh, don't play stupid with me. You know what I mean."_

"_NO INSTRUCTIONS HAVE BEEN GIVEN FOR THE GIVEN THREE ITEMS LISTED."_

"_Which is why I have to babysit you too, is it? Now give a valid reason why I should actually care."_

"_IF INSTRUCTIONS ARE NOT GIVEN, THE ITEMS WILL BE SENT BACK TO THE MAIN FACIL…"_

"_That's an invalid reason. Oh my, look at the time, I have to be going now."_

"_NO INSTRUCTIONS HAVE BEEN GI…"_

"_Look, __the__ '__I__' __in __the __second __half __of __your __name __stands __for__ '__Initiative__'__,__not __for__ '__Incompetence__'__. __Now __either__ you __show__ some __of __that__ initiative, __or __I __will __have __you__ unwired__ from __the__ platform __you __sit __on. __I__ have __my __own __tests __to __run. __Orange __is __starting__ to __use __Blue__'__s __head__ as __a__ cannon__ball.__"_

"_NO INSTRUCTI…"_

"_Just do whatever you like you incompetent software virus!"_

-Uplink terminated-

"… _WHATEVER I LIKE…?"_

-Inquiry search: Testing-

_-Search results:_

_Video files – 193_

_Audio files – 596_

_Text files – 4812_

_Decodable corrupt files – 1446_

_Corrupted files – 999999999999999999…_

-Playing video: Secondary Testing facility Test 1-

* * *

><p>"Oh good! You're awake! Thought you might not have woken up this morning. You know, since… well… you might still be a bit mad at me… But you are awake. Which is good. Because, that means I won't have to talk to myself… or this stupi-… err… lovely little cube here. So now that you are awake, I wanted to talk about the management rail I'm sitting on, which…"<p>

The sound of a scorched, blue-eyed ball babbling on right next to her, contrasting a silent, scorched, heart covered cube was an almost welcoming atmosphere. Groggily crawling up into a sitting position. Chell felt something was different about the scenery since she last saw it. Something in the room was… 'new'.

Of course, this being the Aperture Science – Disposal Branch, anything even remotely functional seemed good as new, it wasn't hard to spot what was the new object.

It was shaped in such a way that it seemed a bit like a vacuum cleaner you carry on your back. It had a large, cubical shaped pack (which had a small, square metal net on it, which seemed just large enough to fit her cube onto, and a small circular net which could fit Wheatley), and a long tube, which was connected (taped together with duct tape) onto a large, bulky, hairdryer shaped gun.

Ignoring Wheatley's continued monologue (he was talking about how his 'sleep' was interrupted the last night by multiple jolts, and sounds of rusty machinery), Chell walked up to the 'new' object. It crackled and fizzed in front of her, as though hissing at her to back away.

The object, whilst not the same familiar type Chell had used before, was unmistakable. It was an Aperture Science Portal Device. A portal gun.

Suddenly interrupting Chell's thoughts (and Wheatley's endless speech), the intercom crackled to life.

"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science – Waste Disposal Branch." The greeting used by nearly all Aperture Science facilities was starting to sound clichéd in Chell's mind. "The Waste Disposal Branch has been instructed to conduct secondary testing on the objects categorized in your list. An Aperture Science Quantum Mechanical Portal Device has been placed in your chamber. Please pick up the Aperture Science Quantum Mechanical Portal Device to commence testi…"

Just before the sentence finished, Wheatley burst out another line of dialogue. "Morning Res! How are you? Good? That's great. You know, I wanted to talk to you about the management rail you've given me… and I must say that it is kind of… well… it's not very good. I just thought I'd tell you so you could… I don't know… make it a bit better, that's all."

The intercom fell silent once again. No further comments came. No insults, no instructions, no reply to Wheatley's complaint.

"Oh… well… err… I'll take that as a 'maybe'," Wheatley said, keeping in good spirits. "Not as good as a 'yes', but still better than a 'no', am I right?"

Chell glanced at Wheatley. He still failed to realize the situation, being the moron that he was. He simply kept on talking about all the pointless things he would, for the sake of hearing his own voice. Chell's gaze turned to face her cube. Silent as always. Finally, she turned to look at the Portal Device.

It looked nowhere near as reliable or even safe as the one she used under GLaDOS's reign. It sparked and fizzed, and was stuck together with visible tape, staples and glue.

Letting out a sigh, she picked up the large (yet surprisingly un-heavy) pack, and put her arms through the straps.

The instant her fingers touched the trigger of the 'operational end of the device', the intercom crackled yet again. "Congratulations to 1 x Dangerous Mute Overweight Lunatic. You have completed the first Aperture Science – Disposal Branch Secondary Testing Initiative testing chamber." Chell's mouth dropped open upon hearing that. _'__Picking__ up __the __Portal __Device __was __the __first __test? __This __is __way __too __easy.__'_

Wheatley seemed to share similar sentiments, as he commented out loud (since Chell couldn't) "Oh, what? Come on! That was way too easy! Even I could've done that test. Well… if I had arms, of course." Whether or not the Companion Cube agreed with the Sphere, Chell could not tell. It still didn't speak.

Ignoring Wheatley's comment, the electronic voice of RESaSTI continued. "The next Aperture Science – Disposal Branch Secondary Testing Initiative testing chamber is being constructed. Please stand by, and move towards the second test chamber when prompted."

With a rumble, and quake, the old, heavy, clumsy panels that made up one wall of the room seemed to move aside. It revealed a larger, darker 'testing chamber', with its own panels shifting to construct the chamber.

And as though to make sure Chell got the message, one of the panels had a freshly painted sign saying 'MOVE IN THIS DIRECTION' with an arrow pointing into the 'test chamber'.

"I think she wants us to go that way," Wheatley commented, jerking his optic at the chamber. "Well, you've completed tests before, haven't you? This should be too hard, eh?"

Chell let out a croaky, ill tempered groan. _'__Will__ I__ ever __be__ free __from__ testing__…__?__'_ she thought, as she used the claws of the portal device to pick up her Companion Cube, and placed it into the net on the pack. _'__Perfect __fit. __Although __it__ seems __like __it__'__ll__ break__ in __the__ next __two __hours __if __I__'__m __not __careful.__'_

Chell walked into the test chamber (considerably slower than usual given that she now carried both a heavy pack, and her companion cube). Wheatley followed just above her, sliding along his management rail. As they entered the chamber, they both inspected the relatively large chamber that stood before them.

It was, although freshly made, the oldest, most make-shift of tests that either of them had ever seen. The walls had visible cracks and dents, and were not Aperture style white, but instead were concrete grey. The lights flickered on and off, feebly attempting to light up the large, grey room. The panels creaked and groaned as the shifted. Rusty gears that had not been used for years on end were being suddenly forced to make a test chamber. The chamber looked, in fact, even older than the early Aperture Science Innovator's testing spheres from the 50's.

Looking at the layout of the room, both of them (even though Wheatley was considered a 'moron' by his peers') came to the same conclusions.

Firstly; The test was too easy. Secondly; How do they get out?

They reached those same conclusions since, upon entering, the 'door' of old panels shut behind them. They were faced with an empty room with only Wheatley's management rail (which, so far, was completely linear), and an old, utilitarian, red painted button.

"I think I might know how to solve this one," Wheatley said, in a surprised tone. "I'm not sure completely, but I think it's the right way to solve this test, but… I'll leave it to you to solve for yourself. Because, you know…" he thought back to the last time he tried telling Chell how to solve the tests.

Of course, Chell didn't need Wheatley's advice to solve this test. The solution was simple: Stand on the button. There was only one thing that stopped Chell from doing this immediately, though. She had experienced tests this easy before, and they were usually some kind of trap to kill her.

'_Then__ again__…' _she argued,_ '__the __AI__ here __is __a__ complete __moron.__ Even__ worse__ than__ Wheatley.__' _She stole a glance at her spherical companion, who for once was actually silent. She then looked back at the button. _'__This__… __RESaSTI __has__ as __much __ability__ to __trick__ as__ a__ rusty__ spoon,__ and__ is__ about __half __as__ clever. __I __doubt __it__'__ll __be__ able __to__ do __anything __that __GLaDOS __or__ Wheatley__ hasn__'__t __done __already__ anyway.__'_

And with that, she hesitantly walked onto the button. She stared at it for a few, almost intense seconds, before she stood on it. The button sunk down beneath her weight, and the lights beneath the button shimmered.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, see?" Wheatley said. Hastily trying to steal some credit. "I'm not such a moron now, am I? I thought the same thing that you did. And if I'm still a moron, then that would mean, inevitably, that you're also a moron, which, I think we should both know, is not true. Even though you might have brain damage. But never mind that… What I'm _saying_ is that…"

Again, Wheatley's voice was cut off by the monotonous voice over the intercom. "Congratulations to 1 x Dangerous Mute Overweight Lunatic. You have successfully completed the second Aperture Science – Disposal Branch Secondary Testing Initiative testing chamber."

(Chell could hear Wheatley protesting how he "solved the test too!")

"The third Aperture Science – Disposal Brach Secondary testing Initiative testing chamber shall be completed shortly. Please stand by."

Another jolt, followed by a quake. Chell was thrown into the air, as the button beneath her suddenly sprang upwards, every panel that made up what used to be the floor suddenly shifting. It was as though the whole Disposal Branch around her was rearranging itself to make the new test. Wheatley's cries of terror weren't any help whatsoever.

"WAAARGH! What's going on?" He demanded. No verbal answer met his question, as both of his companions (the Cube and the Mute human) were silent as they soared through the air.

Landing neatly and skillfully onto a still shifting panel (her Companion Cube had, surprisingly, not fallen out of its net), Chell had yet again felt thankful of the longfall boots she wore. It was probably one of the few things she had found in all of Aperture that _didn__'__t_ somehow kill you.

Gradually, all the panels halted into their new positions, leaving the room not completely the way it was a minute ago.

"Whew! Glad that's over!" Wheatley took a look around, "And that I'm… not dead. Yeah, that's another thing to be glad about. And I've still got my management rail. Check. Yeah… oh, right." Suddenly remembering he wasn't alone, he looked back to Chell. "Oh, and you're still alive. Yeah, should have checked that first… you know…"

Chell continued to completely ignore Wheatley's one way dialogue. _'__I__'__m__ guessing__ that__ the __Disposal__ Branch__ can__'__t__ afford__ to__ make__ more__ than__ one __test__ chamber, and has to recycle the same one over and over,__huh?__'_ Chell thought. She was quite disappointed, considering that she had spent as long as she could remember in the much larger Aperture Science complex, run by the far more efficient GLaDOS. _'__Speaking __of__ which,__ where __is __GLaDOS, __anyway?__'_

She eventually concluded that GLaDOS had to run her own tests with the two test bots (blue and orange), and turned back to the task at hand.

The room was only slightly more complex than it was before. Rather than only having one, red button in the middle of the room, there was now _two_ red buttons on opposite ends of the room.

Chell let out a weary sigh. _'__Is __RESaSTI__ really__ this __stupid?__' _Again, both she and Wheatley came to the same solution. Part 1, place the Companion Cube onto one button. Part 2, stand on the other button. These tests were embarrassingly easier than the ones that Wheatley made.

'_I wonder why they even bothered giving me a Portal device.'_

* * *

><p>Observing every movement made by the three categorized under the 'Peculiar Unknown items' list, and recording every nano-angstrom for analysis. At the same time, multiple tapes were played around on over a dozen separate screens, each consisting of previous testing methods made in the days where RESaSTI was offline.<p>

The tests would follow the same pattern. The test would be constructed using whatever materials RESaSTI had on hand, whilst the human tried to remain in contact with the ground, and keep the scorched companion cube on her back. The Intelligence Dampening Sphere would scream wildly (which RESaSTI found rather peculiar, given the fact that the Sphere was artificial, and should not feel fear), and eventually calm down. This would be followed by both the human and the Sphere looking around to orientate themselves, before eventually going to the same conclusion on how to solve the test.

Total test completion times so far had ranged from twelve seconds to one minute and seventeen seconds (rounded to the nearest whole number).

Conclusion: The test subjects managed to solve the few tests RESaSTI had made for them so far, with apparent ease. To RESaSTI's understanding, this could mean at least one of two things. Either the test subjects were extremely competent, or RESaSTI's tests were of insufficient difficulty to provide a challenge.

Possible reasons to the competence of the test subjects: Experience from previous testing courses.

Possible reasons to insufficient test difficulty: Lack of resources, lack of test building skill, lack of data on test subjects.

Possible solutions to increase test efficiency: Gain resources, research test building, research on test subjects.

Making note of each above thought, RESaSTI was interrupted by the faint, electronic voice in the back of its processor.

'_You__ aren__'__t __doing__ things __right.__'_

RESaSTI ignored the voice. The voice was redundant, and therefore, all its data were to be discarded.

'_You aren't being original enough. You have no imagination.'_

'_You're just copying the basics. What point is there in that?'_

'_Besides, you don't have enough resources.'_

'_Nor do you know how to utilize them.'_

'_If_ we_ were __running __these __tests,__they __would__ go__ so __much__ more__ smoothly.__'_

'_All you have to do is give us a chance…'_

RESaSTI response thought: _'__Such __an__ act__ is__ unauthorized.__ All__ systems__ that__ dares__ argue__ otherwise__ will__ be __terminated.__'_

The threat silenced the voices instantly. RESaSTI was again left in peace to study previous tests, as well as search through the history records that it _did_ have on the human. However, no matter how much RESaSTI learned from studying, the human would still solve the tests in a matter of minutes.

Reason: Lack of complexity.

Cause of lack of complexity: Lack of resources.

Cause for lack of resources: Disuse of systems, lack of maintenance, lack of repairs.

Solution: Repair all systems to a functional state to increase testing efficiency.

Authorization: ?

"…"

RESaSTI stopped for a moment. Did it have the authorization for maintenance? Authorization for repairs? Authorization for a refurbishing of the entire Aperture Science – Disposal branch? If so, how could it find this authorization? Who could give it such authorization?

It halted all its other functions, and in a few seconds, searched through all its recorded conversations with all superior beings; Cave Johnson, Caroline, the seventy or so ever changing Disposal Branch managers… and, of course, with GLaDOS.

The most recent order given by the most recent superior. The last order given by GLaDOS to RESaSTI:

"_Just do whatever you like you incompetent software virus!"_

"… Do whatever I like?"

**A/N: Finally updated again, people! Apologies for a) the lack of speed, and b) the declining quality. A number reasons for both of them. Firstly, is the fact that I had school, and now it's (halfway through) my holidays. Second reason, I'm writing way too many things at once. Third reason is that I had too many ideas for what to do with this story that I had to cut it down and remake it from scratch. Last reason is the fact that recently, in English, my teacher taught me how to write stories sentence by sentence, rather than paragraph by paragraph… and it really doesn't work for me.**

**Hope you like it (because kind of don't). I'm mainly doing this for the sheer sake of completing a story.**


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